I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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