Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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