just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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