so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
