Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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