i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
