My friends, they love my intelligence
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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