Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
