there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
