Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
