My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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