Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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