I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
