so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
