I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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