Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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