do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Text me some of your sweat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
