bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
