Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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