how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
