Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I supernannyed him into submission
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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