Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
