What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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