my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
