he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
