Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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