During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
