I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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