this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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