I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
