Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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