I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
