Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
