I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
