did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
