So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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