hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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