So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
