My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
