If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
