Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
