Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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