does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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