I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
