Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
