One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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