I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
