I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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