I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
