my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
